Saturday, January 31, 2009

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

wet.






:]








[click the flower]

Sunday, January 25, 2009

official and stuff.

i hereby proclaim,

that i am about to let go.

im very close to letting go.

im letting go.

i've let go.

gone.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

weed in the gutter.

wordless beauty
that nobody sees.
safe from the sight 
of repulsive humanity

safe.

quietly living
growing and blooming against
the unfair obstacles forced upon you.

concrete.



[dear reader, this is a terrible poem. but i wanted to express something, so i attempted. but i want to go to bed, and unedited, i've failed]

Thursday, January 22, 2009

discoveries.

somebody who i adore completely, actually genuinely thinks im an ok person.
somebody surprised me today because i didn't think she thought i was worth her time at all.
which could be because i don't think i am worth her time.
which is a terrible thing to think about one'self.
maybe i should have a little more faith in other's opinions of me.
maybe i should have a little more faith in myself.

maybe.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Friday, January 9, 2009

forward slashes = new thought

ryan and marissa./so there's this guy/stupid darn interwebz text him text text yawn i really like gee whizz im so tired! don't change the subject/did you know that im a/he's so funny/Iron & Wine is very/run run run/satisfying/my dinner was so delicious/i like me some/and don't forget about jack sparrow./while we're on that topic/i really like/we might as well talk about/or we could converse about/or i could go on for HOURS about Anna/you're rambling/anna anna anna/im very worried about seventh form/eighteen??/EIGHTEEN?? good lord almighty/im going camping/upat5:30am/THIRTEENDAYS!!!/named guitar/it took so long to find a good on/like an answer to my prayers/ cellphone is scratched/these tissues smell bad/it's handed to me/guilty guilty guilt/muchtooawkward/batman/pirates>ninjas/ding!/ the glove compartment is inaccurately named/yum, apple/and everybody knows it/i love death cab for cutie/oh well hello pippin/pat pat pat/pippin is a cat/disappointment and regret collide/meow/lying awake at night/ meow meow meoow/Mumm-Ra anybody?

Friday, January 2, 2009

tis friday.

so new years kinda sucked.
well. no.
that's not true.
ok well actually it is. because i say kinda, which is precise.

I was with Simon for the first part, which was awesome.
I love Simon.

But then Simon left, and my friends were all at a party, and I was not.
And basically I was just feeling really lonely. 
It wasn't their fault either, I'm not mad at them or anything.

I finished watching Reign Over Me, which was silly because it is an incredibly sad movie.
It didn't help my mood to say the least.
I felt like raving, so I turned on Alt tv and turned up Bloc Party.
After about a minute I started crying. and so i stopped raving.

*blaaaah im having trouble with this blog because it's too personal and im feeling awkward*

I gave up being sad because I'm really just very bad at it.
Sad and angry I just can't pull them off. unless im acting.
I can't even hold a grudge! I mean honestly, I can't be seriously mad at somebody for more than ten minutes. and even that long is a struggle.

I grabbed a box of chocolates, at this point the box was full
sat down at the computer,
and i turned up my music very loud.

It happened to be quite sad music.

Like New York I Love You by LCD Soundsystem.
"New York I love you, but you're bringing me down."
Only it was Wellington that was bringing me down, in my case.

I sang along very loudly. Maybe I was trying to drown out my thoughts.
I didn't want to hear what was in my head.
It was just making me sad.

Skype provided a nice little distraction.
Twitter helped too.
because on Skype Vivien and Leuke and Simon saved me.
and on Twitter Charlie did the same. at this point the box was almost empty.

And then, i was happy.